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Jokes and One Liners

What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?
A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!

"Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
"I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"

What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

What do you call a very small valentine?
A valentiny!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my valenstein!"

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending?
Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!

What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?
A stupid cupid!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?

Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?

"I'm sweet on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?

"I find you very attractive."

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross!

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Because you always heart the one you love!

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a great big kiss?

What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"


What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!