Halloween Jokes and One liners.

Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
He was in high spirits !

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?
No one moved, they couldn't stir without her !

Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
Because he just came to pick up his sister !

What do stupid kids do at Halloween ?
They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ?
Because they're crab apples !

How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween
Wear a snorkel !

Where do undertakers go in October ?
The hearse of the year show !

How do undertakers speak ?
Gravely !

What was written on the hypochondriac's tombstone ?
"I told you I was ill" !

What is a drunkards last drink ?

His bier !

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead end streets ...

What does daddy ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache.

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get a-head in life.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a party?
A boo-tie.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.

Vampire Jokes.

Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
A :You look like your going to the dogs !

Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
A: Fangsgiving day !

Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
A: Join his fang club !

Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
A: Because blood is thicker than water !

Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?
A: Veinilla !

Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
A: It wanted to play squash !

Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won't get stake !

Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
A: Send your name, address and blood group !

Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal ?
A: A giraffe !

Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character ?
A: Batman !

Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
A: Because it's a drain in the neck !


Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child?
A: Frostbite

Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.